Christmas Eve - December 24, 2004!!

Merry Christmas Everyone!! I have officially been quit 115 days! Yeehaw!! I never imagined that I would go this long without a puff of a cigarette. I was always one of those people that thought that I was just not meant to quit. I tried different methods on a few occasions and still had the same result - I was smoking and miserable to boot! It`s amazing how much guilt you put on yourself when you want something so bad, but just can`t bring yourself to do it. I knew that I had finally hit the bottom of the so-called `smoking` barrell when we lost my grandma. Today the only regrets I have is that I didn`t try harder when she was alive, and that she can`t be here to see how far I`ve come. She would be SO PROUD. The journey has been tough, no doubt about that. I`ve gained weight, about 20 pounds, which isn`t the worst thing in the world - but I play soccer and have definitely been feeling the difference. The upside to that is I can run a lot longer without feeling tired out, but I guess with the extra weight it kind of balances out!!! Oh well, I have an awesome boyfriend who supports me no matter what. I know that I couldn`t have come this far without him. I really felt that the key to making this quit stick was to never let my guard down. I had up days and lots of down days before I got to the point where I trusted myself enough to go out at breaks and hang with friends. 99.9% of the people in my life smoke so this was definitely a challenge! The weight, the lack of social time and the mood swings were all really small prices to pay considering how far I`ve come. I know that I continue to be an inspiration to my family and friends, and I hope that one day they will feel good enough to give quitting a try. It`s a lot easier than they think, but you have to take that leap of faith first. There will always be cravings - no matter what, but honestly, it`s more trigger situations than anything physical. I KNOW there is no nicotine in my body, so in turn, there should be no cravings. However, having a beer with a buddy or dealing with big-time stress - a cigarette seems like the perfect solution... but in reality? It was my way of dealing with things. I don`t smoke anymore, so I`ve needed to figure out different ways of doing that. The journey is not only satisfying, it is self-sacrificing as well - you feel as though you lose who you are, but realize in the end that you are a much better person underneath. The journey is long, and it never really ends, but it is so worth it.